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Oh my~

_{[Guess who's dressed to match the beach theme? Yep, Urahara.]}

I think I'll rather enjoy this event~♥!

_{[Because really, what pervert doesn't enjoy the beach and all the pretty ladies in swimsuits?]}

_{[Urahara appears on the screen, plucking at a purple scarf he's draped around his neck, pouting slightly.]}

Maa... Purple really doesn't go well with green, Animus-san...

_{[Except when he looks up, the pout is gone, replaced by a sly smirk and mischievous look.]}

Of course, one must wonder why I'm broadcasting this and if this is indeed my scarf...

_{[The feed comes on to Urahara sitting in front of a table in the house he shares with Yoruichi, oddly still and quiet for those who know the man. The reason why soon becomes obvious once one sees the folded white haori on the table... The one with a black twelve on the back of it, similar to the one Mayuri wears. Almost exactly the same really. Curious.]}

( OOC: List of Presents... )

[There’s a hum of static on the PCD, and then voices. One of which might be slightly slurred.]

I’m not certain that symbol is going to work...

Even when combined with the kidou?

[A sigh, and the sound of glass being set down on rock.]

I suppose we won’t know until we find out, hmn?

It is, after all, half the fun of experimenting~! On three then?

On Three,

Two.

One!

[A loud explosion tears across the PCD, causing the static to quickly rise from a quiet hum up to a crackling screech before there is a long moment of silence.

A very long moment of silence.

So long in fact that one might start to wonder if the two were still alive... Until of course, it’s broken by an excited voice.]

Shall we try that again~?

_{{OOC: Blue is Roy Mustang and green is Urahara Kisuke. And yes, they're slightly drunk. Well, Roy is, Urahara is just... using that as an excuse to blow things up.}}

[The video comes on to Urahara in the kitchen, turning the fire down under a big pot before he ladles out thick Japanese curry full of chunky vegetables over a plate of white rice and tonkatsu. He sets that onto the table before hefting up a large bowl of rice and dumping what seems to be at least a quarter of the pot of curry onto it and placing it next to another plate towering with cutlets of deep-fried pork. Taking a step back, he studies the table with a critical eye and walks out of the frame before returning with a large glass of milk, placing it down next to the huge mound of food with a satisfied nod.

It isn't until he turns and opens his mouth that something seems to be wrong (no, not the 'Kiss the Cook' apron, that's quite normal). It's just that he's opened his mouth and seemed to have called out for someone, except there was absolutely no sound.

Oh dear...

Well, the man doesn't let this new event phase him for long and soon he's rooting around in a cupboard, soon pulling out a metal pot and a wooden spoon.

He wouldn-- Wait, this is Urahara, he totally would. And with a mischievous grin, he starts hitting the bottom of the pot with the spoon, raising all sorts of kitchen appliance hell.]

[First Mayuri cuts someone open without their permission, then he dies and now... Well, the video just shows Urahara sitting on the floor of the kitchen, idly swinging a bottle of milk between his fingers as a loud sigh escapes him.]

[When the PCD turns on this time, everyone on the network is treated to the sight of a familiar parasite that's been neatly cut in half. A woeful little sigh soon drifts on over through the microphone before Urahara comes into view, gingerly prodding the dead insect monster thing with the tip of his cane.]

You seem to have quite the interesting properties... It's a pity I can't study you just yet...

[Because really, the last thing he needs is to accidentally scrape himself against one of those sharp teeth or blow himself up.]

_{[The PCD falls to the floor when dropped, accidentally turning on to catch Urahara suddenly hunch over and let out a gasp of pain as a pair of wings sprout from his back-- red and black wings, where the red seems to be made of his blood. Noticing that the PCD is on, the shopkeeper manages to dredge up a smile and a wave before turning to hide the pain on his face, gritting his teeth as the wings continue to grow out of his back with sickening crunches of shifting bone. It finally falls silent a few moments later, no more sounds to be heard aside from Urahara's labored breathing and soon, even that stops as he straightens and turns to study the new pair of additions.]}

Well now, Timon... Isn't this interesting?

_{{OOC: Blood wings for Urahara! And yes, he is indeed pretending that his invisible pet meerkat, Timon, is still around.}}

_{[When Urahara's PCD turned on again, it showed that the green-clad shopkeeper was back in his lab again, busy stirring the red-tinted solution in front of him as he absent-mindedly reached over for a mug of coffee that was sitting on top of a nearby hot plate.

Bad lab hygeine kids, don't copy him.

Why? Because Urahara's immediately turned pale after his first gulp. There was a metallic aftertaste in his mouth and his wide eyes immediately turned back to the solution of angel blood in front of him, obviously wondering if he had somehow managed to get some of it into his coffee and if he would now start to-- see meerkats on his lab bench?

Or rather, one meerkat, to be exact. One meerkat that was standing on its hind legs and staring back at him.

It took him a couple seconds, but Urahara managed to quickly recover himself and slowly reached out a hand towards it.]}

Why hello there~ Who might you be~?

_{[To many, it probably looked like the man had finally lost his mind after breathing in one too many fumes.]}

_{{OOC: The reason behind the meerkat...}}

_{[Hello Adstringendum! Guess what's appeared on your PCD screen this time? Yep, that's right...

A gaping, bloodied mouth full of too many teeth, complete with lifeless, glassy eyes, all set in the head of some poor animal mutated beyond recognition. It might have been a dog. A very large one.

But though the head might still have been attached to the body, the angel was obviously very dead as its heart was currently sitting in a jar on the counter. Course, the most interesting part to this scene probably wasn't the dead angel, but rather the man who was currently wearing large magnifying glasses and busy cutting open the specimen he had obtained.]}

How interesting~!

_{[Was it really right of Urahara to sound so cheerful with so much blood, gore and a half-dissected body?]}

As most of you have no doubt heard by now, courtesy of the departed Envy-chan, Aizen Sousuke was recently accused of ordering the attack on Uchiha Madara that happened a couple of weeks back. Those who wish to believe him...

_{[a small smile here, along with a slightly raised eyebrow, seems designed to remind his viewers of the trustworthiness of said homunculus, along with his opinion of those who would chose to believe him]}

...may continue to do so. I am, after all, only a mere shopkeeper offering my humble opinion~! That having been said, I believe Aizen Sousuke to be innocent of this accusation.

( [Private to Aizen || Unhackable] )

[The video turned on to Urahara standing in what used to be Hiyori's room, holding a PCD that didn't belong to him. Shadowed gray eyes were sad under the brim of his hat as they roved over various items in the room: the unmade bed, an extra pair of sandals~~-of-doom~~ and a snapped hairband. The owner of these items was nowhere to be found, or heard, and combined with his own PCD that told him that one angry monkey was no longer on the network...

Turning slightly to set the PCD down, the sight of his grip tightening on the device in his hand was blocked from view and a small smile was back on his face by the time he faced the camera again.]

Good luck, Hiyori-chan~

_{[The PCD turns on to record Urahara standing in front of a mirror. His back is turned towards the device, but the PCD is able to capture the reflected image, and that's not Urahara. Or is it? The hat is still there on top of white-blonde hair, throwing a shadow over the gray eyes, but there are curves that were never there before and the voice...]}

Oh my...

_{[The voice is high-pitched and feminine as one hand comes up to poke experimentally at hi-- her breasts before both hands come up to cup them, as if their owner has never seen them before. Which, if the way she's turning this way and that way to study her curves as her hands continue to wander over them, seems to be true.]}

Oh my~! I think I'll rather like this event~

_{{OOC: And female!Urahara makes her appearance! Replies will probably be made with getaboshiboobs}}

[The sound of clanking sounds over the PCD, along with shuffling and some humming before it's broken off and replaced by Urahara's voice.]

No, not there... Hmm... [It sounds as if he's moving around the place.] Ah! How about... [Clank, clank, CLANK] There!

[And then, there's more clanking before the PCD decides that whatever Urahara's doing, it's quite boring.]

_{{OOC: Guess who's setting up his lab in a spare room in the house~?}}

[Someone was standing in the empty space behind the house he shared with Yoruichi, Benihime still in her cane form, dangling from the sash around his waist as he spun around, a grin on his face while bursts of light came from his fingers and blasted those killer rabbits away from him.]

Hadō 1, Shō!

[The most basic, least offensive of the kidou since he didn't feel like killing any of these cute, but toothy, balls of fur. Course, the fact that he was saying the incantation sent them flying quite a ways away. There's no end to the flying bodies though, whether it be flying towards or away from the green-clad man who's at the center of it all, using them as target practice and reflex training, a wide grin on his face, boredom forgotten.]

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Urahara Kisuke

August 2020

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Style: Plain for Tabula Rasa